Tag Archives: my grain

I Suffer More Than Anyone Has Ever Suffered

If you have never been shot, I don’t recommend it.  First of all, it really hurts a lot.  Also, the police seem uninterested in talking to me about who I think they need to be questioning, and  very interested in bothering my friends.  Poor Ty has apparently had to speak to them several times.  He does not deserve to be harrassed in this manner!  Today Detective Wallace was actually quite dismissive when I called with a lead about ISIS targeting attractive American women with prominent blogs.

The worst thing is that I am supposed to do almost nothing all day long.  No computers, no tv, no exercise, no fun.  The kids went back to school today and I was instructed to stay home and “relax”.  Lah Lee is not a relaxer.  I tried to get up to do a lil’ light yoga on the sly but I was dizzy and could barely do a single pose without experiencing a great stabbing pain.  Then I tried to spend a tiny bit of time on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook and I watched a few episodes of Live From Lincoln Center while I read spoilers about the new season of The Bachelor on my eyepad, but I ended up with a tremendous my grain.  I don’t know what I ever did to deserve to be in such a horrible situation.

Krystyn called with some delicious gossip, though.  Apparently Cari’s latest guy dumped her the day after Christmas, calling her pushy and controlling.  For some reason this news delights me!

That's just me, Lah Lee, always smilin' through the tears.

That’s just me, Lah Lee, always smilin’ through the tears.

Even the pain pills the doctors gave me aren’t working well, but I just keep on doing my best to bring joy to everyone around me.

I Feel a My Grain Coming On

I just got a text message from Stefan, and not a naughty one.  He said to find a sitter for the kids tomorrow and he will take care of getting rid of Röbert for the day.  We need to talk.  I am not sure if I want to talk.

I am so confused right now.  I think I had better go shoe shopping to settle myself.

I think I need a few pairs of shoes, and maybe a purse or seven. LOL

I think I need a few pairs of shoes, and maybe a purse or seven. LOL

Soccer Mom

Does anyone actually enjoy all of the endless assemblies, recitals and athletic events that their kids participate in?  Merlin has never seen a club or team he doesn’t want to join, so my burden is particularly onerous.  And it isn’t like there is just one debate or soccer game to celebrate the season; they happen week after week.

But here is the thing:  there are moms who attend all of it, every single game and performance.  I have even seen moms sitting and watching practice as if the haven’t a care in the world.  Are you kidding me?  Who has time for that?

The other day Kathleen Moriarty, the mother of that freckled little troll, Kevin, asked me why I hadn’t been to a single soccer game this year.  Because I didn’t know that soccer games had begun yet, maybe?  How am I supposed to keep track of everything?  I guess Kathleen Moriarty is probably too busy not minding her own business to be a part of our book club again this year.  Sorry, Kathleen.  All full up.

Since I am really a terrific mom, and because Cleia had a my grain, so Hot Yoga was cancelled at the last minute, Hummus and I were on the sidelines cheering our footy guy on this afternoon.  I am not sure if we won or lost, but that really doesn’t matter, does it?

Oh, hi Kathleen.  Are those new white sneakers you are wearing?

Oh, hi Kathleen. Are those white sneakers you’re wearing new?


Rotten Kid

I can not even believe the story that Merlin just told me!  I swear that kid will be the ruin of me, someday.  I was working at my computer and just happened to have a picture of Renata up on the screen. I am not sure how it even got there. Merlin, who had snuck up behind me again, said, “Hey look!  It is the pretty lady!”

Apparently last fall he had stayed after school to do something with Mr. Williams (Ty to me, but Merlin has to call him Mr. Williams because he is his teacher, LOL) and when Mr. Williams was dropping him off, I wasn’t home.  I must have been out doing something important or tending to some emergency or something.  Anywho, Merlin told Mr. Williams that he could drop him off at the Sullivans’ house instead.

When they got inside, according to Merlin, Karen was doing “gym class” with a pretty lady and he said to Ty, “Hey Mr. Williams, look at that pretty lady!”  I am sure everyone laughed and that would have been that, but no.

A few weeks later, or days, who knows, Ty took Merlin to the park to kick the soccer ball and Merlin saw “the pretty lady” reading a book on the grass.  Of course the little wretch had to run over and say “hi” to Mrs. Sullivan’s friend. Then he called Ty over and said,”Remember the pretty lady who plays gym with Mrs. Sullivan?  Don’t you think she is pretty, Mr. Williams?”  Of course Ty had to say yes, what else could he do?  I am sure it was mortifying for everyone.  Somehow Renata forced her phone number into Ty’s phone at that meeting (I am sure that wasn’t so pretty) and he must have felt obligated to call her because, as Merlin tells it, he came into the classroom the next day and told Merlin that he had a date with the pretty lady for dinner that night.

My own rotten little brat introduced Ty to the woman who will be his downfall, and never bothered to tell me about it.

He looks like a normal kid, but honestly?  So annoying most of the time.  Of course i love him to pieces, but often want to tear him to pieces at the same time.  Motherhood!

He looks like a normal kid, but honestly? So annoying most of the time. Of course i love him to pieces, but often want to tear him to pieces at the same time. Motherhood!

In other news, I think I’d better make an appointment to get his eyes checked.  Pretty lady?

Another My Grain

This morning I woke up with a lil’ my grain.  Röbert pulled out all the stops last night. He had arranged for Grandmama to have the lil’ ones overnight and we had dinner in the city at that new restaurant where it is impossible to get reservations.   Afterward he suggested we go out for a drink and he took me to a hot disco where Cari and Krystyn were both waiting to surprise me.  We all just danced the night away!  I think Cari may have helped him out a bit with ideas about where to go, but it was magical!

He also didn’t completely fail with the gift.  He bought me some beautiful shoes in the right size.  They are moccasins, so more for slumming around home than anything, but he found the right store. Again, I think I have Cari to thank.  I love how close she and Röbert have gotten!

A huge improvement over the kayak lessons, right?

A huge improvement over the kayak lessons, right?

The kids had homemade gifts for me.  Honestly, when will they learn?  Hummus has been too busy with his tennis career to make anything, so I think my payoff with him will be well worth it, but ten or twelve years off.  Starling’s gift was actually really sweet.  It was a book of coupons with things like “Good For…One Hug,” in it.  I can’t wait to redeem them!

She is just so thoughtful to think of all of these treats for me!

She is just so thoughtful to think of all of these treats for me!

Merlin made me a cake but it wasn’t even the kind I like.  Oh well, I had a lovely piece of cake at the restaurant last night.

It is all crooked and wonky!  LOL!  We couldn't stop laughing when we saw it!

It is all crooked and wonky! LOL! We couldn’t stop laughing when we saw it!

Röbert is lucky he did so well for my birthday because he pulled a lil’ prank on me today that would normally have me furious.  He has been telling me that he is “working on” the vacay, so I shouldn’t reserve the gorgeous beach front villa just yet, even though it will probably be rented right out from under us at any minute.  Then, when I finally dragged myself out of bed at midday, he said he had arranged with one of his friends to borrow his hunting cabin for a week.  He had better be joking.  He even went so far as to show me a photo.

Obviously this has to be a joke.  Right?

Obviously this has to be a joke. Right?

I didn’t give him the satisfaction of laughing or crying.  I just said, “Right,” and walked away.  I kept thinking about it all through Pilates for Pros and Extreme Yoga.  It’s a joke.  I am sure it is a joke.

It’s obviously just a not very funny joke.  I am not laughing, but it must be a joke.

I think a lil’ drop of vodka will help the my grain.


A Lil’ Heart to Heart

This morning my parents took the children to church with them which gave Röbert and me a chance to spend some alone time together.  We decided to have a nice brunch, but Röb completely ruined it by talking about money again.  Why does he always ruin our happy times by talking about stupid money?

Apparently we aren’t rich, which is a surprise to exactly no one.  He wants me to cut back a little bit, but where can I cut back?  Starling and I don’t eat anything and I barely buy any shoes and clothes anymore.  He said something about my gym membership and charges to the cafe there and I got a splitting my grain!  My gym membership?  He had better be joking!

I mentioned how I needed a some me time, what with him spending so much time away from home last winter and he looked like he might have a lil’ my grain too.  Would that be a him grain? Remind me to look it up.  He got kind of quiet then, and said that he was no longer spending that time away from our family and he would like to explore whether he and I could eventually get our exercise in the great outdoors, together.  I said sure.  I mean, I know I can’t give up the gym, but I can pretend to try.

He is so handsome and kind.  I have a hard time saying no to him!

He is so handsome and kind. I have a hard time saying no to him!

We had several glasses of champagne and by the end of the meal I think I may have agreed to go camping.  I know I will hate camping.  Ugh.  What have I done?