Tag Archives: Karen

Betches at the Beach

My life has been so stressful lately.  First I was shot and disabled.  Then Stefan left on his trip around the world.  I tried to call him last week, but his mom said he was in someplace called the Check Republic which is so remote and mysterious that I couldn’t even find it on Wikipedia. Then Röbby became all crazy about money, rented a second home and picked the children up late.  I needed a getaway!

Luckily for me, Karen was willing to let bygones be bygones once she understood that I had found a credit card that Röbby had forgotten about, so the trip would be on him.  She seems to enjoy spending his money for some reason. LOL!

We are staying in the most beautiful resort!  It makes me wonder why I waited so long to go on a completely luxurious vacation like this.  Probably my cheapskate husband.  LOL!

2:6:16 room

Karen in her room before dinner last night.  The beds have the most wonderfully soft sheets and the service here is unbelievable.

I went running this morning.  I am very self-concious about my weight gain since the tragic shooting but Karen said I look wonderful and I even let her see the scar on my ass.  It was very brave of me.

2:6:16 running

Do I look fat?


Röbby seems to miss me because he keeps texting and calling but I just ignore, ignore, ignore.  Tomorrow we are taking some new friends on a helicopter trip.  It is an expensive but fun way to see all the beautiful scenery here.

Old Friends

Röbert was supposed to pick the children up after school yesterday, but he said he had to work late and then this morning he wanted to get their rooms “set up” in our second home so he couldn’t pick them up until noon.  By the time he got here I had fed them lunch and Hummus had fallen asleep. Röb actually tried to leave him behind.  Fortunately he had fallen asleep in his car seat (which I had kept him strapped into since yesterday afternoon, just in case).

After they left I decided to clean out the freezer and I found a couple of bottles of vodka I had forgotten about and four credit cards that Röb had frozen in blocks of ice for me last year.  Three of the cards are expired, but one has quite a bit of spring in its step still.

I am heading over to see Karen in a couple of minutes.  She and I always had a lot of fun together and I think we could agree to disagree about Renata.  Right now I feel like she and I have a lot in common and I have an idea which might interest her.

12:30 toast

Besties back in the day!

Visiting Karen

I think it is very brave of me to try to heal my relationship with Karen, despite how badly she has treated me, but she is fat now and unattractive.  I think she deserves a cute friend to give her something to aspire to.

I took out the fruit tray Merlin put together for me yesterday and walked through our backyard, the way I have a million times before and I honestly felt a little teary remembering all of our happy times together.

I could hear her inside talking with someone, so I knocked on the door and guess what?  She didn’t even answer.  Is that the rudest thing you have ever heard of?

1:24:16 door

Who does that to a neighbor?

Luckily I found Röbert’s extra Visa card in an old suit jacket in the attic so I ordered her a very lavish arrangement.  Let’s see her ignore THAT!

The Odd Couple

I was driving home from a light workout at the gym today and I saw my old pal, Karen the snake in the park with her new buddy, Renata.  Can you imagine being so desperate for a friend that you would want to spend time with either of them?  Besides being sneaky and dishonest they are two of the most tedious individuals known to man.

1:18:16 Karen

Renata appears to be doing a top rate job helping Karen lose weight, LOL!

I think I might try to befriend Karen again.  I am sure she must miss me and it would be a hoot to hear all about Renata’s wedding plans.  Maybe I could even get myself invited to the happy event and bring Ty as my plus one!  LOL!  LOL!

A Strange Feeling

I have had the eeriest feeling lately.   I keep thinking there is someone following me or standing in my backyard.  When I look there is no one there, of course.

When I just slipped out back to avoid talking to Röbby about some ridiculous camping trip he wants the family to take, I swear I could smell smoke, and not cigarette smoke.  It smelled like the old wacky tabaccy, if you catch my drift.  At first I thought maybe Karen’s sons were home from school, but her house was dark.

I am sure it is nothing, but it does make me feel a teensy bit uncomfortable.

No Way

I was inside trying to figure out some passwords on Röb’s computer this afternoon (I needed to find some information about our auto insurance and I didn’t want to bother him at work) when Merlin came running in and asked where Daddy is.  I told him he was at work and he ran back outside.  Then Starling also came in looking for Röbert.  Finally Hummus toddled in grunting up a storm.  What on earth could be going on?  I looked out the window and you won’t believe what I saw!  I’ll give you a hint; it is mean and it slithers along the ground.

Oh no. No way, lady!

Oh no. No way, lady!

Starling said she offered her a dollar for MY husband’s phone number.

I opened up the window and called out, “He is not interested, Karen.”  Then I ordered her some Thai food, a few pizzas and an ice cream and cookie delivery from the new grocery store, because it looks like she will be needing to eat her feelings…again.

I wonder what she wants from my husband now.  Some people just don’t respect the sanctity of my marriage.

TBT One Year Ago

It was just one year ago that I was savagely attacked by Beefeater.

Beefeater was driven to viciousness by his hatred for Karen.

Beefeater was driven to viciousness by his hatred for Karen.

I can’t believe that he was so unhappy, living with that terrible snake, Karen, that he tried to attack me.  Now when he sees Karen he cowers and growls.  Poor Beefy.  It is almost as if someone fat who looked like Karen was hurting him at night or something.  But no one here is fat and Karen wouldn’t dare come to our house.

I have seen Karen tear up when she sees Beefy so scared of her. LOL.  She should have been better to him when she had the chance.

From vicious beast to award winning champ.  Who is a responsible dog owner now, Karen?

From vicious beast to award winning champ. Who is a responsible dog owner now, Karen?