Right now, as I type, Karen is hosting her annual holiday open house. I think it is the height of rudeness and shows a complete lack of class to invite everyone in your neighborhood except your next door neighbors. I even saw that weird foreign family walking up the driveway with some sort of basket of disgusting ethnic food for her. Cari and Mitch were not invited either, for obvious reasons. I thought that perhaps our invitation got lost, so I walked back and forth in front of her house a few times and, although Karen could clearly see me from where she was standing at her front door, she ignored me. Outrageous!!!!
At first I thought she had hired Mrs. Roper as a celebrity guest, but I was mistaken.
I guess she and Röbert had a bit of a falling out last spring and I am just caught in the crossfire.
Luckily Krystyn was invited and she has been texting us about the party all night. Apparently she got that fab new caterer everyone has been talking about, so the food is amazing but the other guests are lame. Well, good for Karen for trying.
Snakes of a feather flock together I guess. Krystyn said she is there with a new boyfriend; the trainer from the gym we all thought was gay because he never hit on any of us. Apparently he is just religious. LOL.
The boys are both home for their mom’s big night but I happen to know they will be skiing with Mitch and Cari on real Christmas, so I guess poor Karen will be all alone. You reap what you sow.
Karen slipped another lil’ photo under my door this morning. She obviously thinks that she can get under my skin by insinuating that my Mr. Perfect is fooling around on the side, because this is a more recent photo. She of all people must know that Röbert would never do that! She was infatuated with him for years, but obviously she is so old and fat and Röbert is fathful to his goddess, Lah Lee.
Cari looks like she might have had a lil’ too much to drink at lunch! Röb is practically carrying her. LOL.
I know exactly what is going on in that picture! Clearly Röbert is planning a special surprise for me (for Christmas maybe?) and he asked my bestie to come into the city to help him shop. I just love Christmas! I can not wait to see what these two have cooked up for me!
So Karen finally let me know which one of my friends is “the tall pretty one”. It is Cari.
She somehow had a photo of Cari and Röbby having a drink together and she thought it would destroy me and my marriage. LOL! Of course the photo is ancient. Röbert doesn’t even have a beard yet. I think it was probably taken last spring when they went out a few times to plan my birthday.
No chemistry. None.
Those two love me to pieces and would never do anything to betray me. I am 100% sure about that. I can’t wait to show it to Cari and hear her laugh about it.
This morning, when I was getting home from my run, Karen was hanging around my mailbox in a suspicious manner. “Hi, Lah Lee,” she called out and I was ignoring her perfectly when she asked, “How is your friend?”
I froze. What if she had somehow figured out that Stefan and I had been misbehaving? I mean, they were just innocent lil’ kisses, but what if she had seen us and misinterpreted them? She would not be above going to Röbert. That snake would love to see my happy marriage ruined.
“What friend?” I asked. “I have lots of friends. Does your lil’ friend have any more court dates coming up?” Then I walked inside. As I was closing the door I heard her say, “Your tall friend. You know, the pretty one.”
What the hell does that mean? All of my friends are tall and pretty.
It was just one year ago that I was savagely attacked by Beefeater.
Beefeater was driven to viciousness by his hatred for Karen.
I can’t believe that he was so unhappy, living with that terrible snake, Karen, that he tried to attack me. Now when he sees Karen he cowers and growls. Poor Beefy. It is almost as if someone fat who looked like Karen was hurting him at night or something. But no one here is fat and Karen wouldn’t dare come to our house.
I have seen Karen tear up when she sees Beefy so scared of her. LOL. She should have been better to him when she had the chance.
From vicious beast to award winning champ. Who is a responsible dog owner now, Karen?
Last night Merlin got a phone call from his favorite teacher, Mr. Williams. It turns out that he is going to be a”facilitator” (LOL! What the hell does that mean!?) at the the nerd camp Merlin is attending this week and he called to offer Merlin a ride to camp. It is a few hours away, so it was a relief to me not to have to drive him (and listen to him) all that way, plus Merlin was so excited to be going with Ty! It really is nice that he has taken such a special interest in my child. Everyone does tell me how much like me Merlin is.
Anywho, we decided to meet at the library this morning to hand off Merlin to him. It was nice to see Ty and, while I didn’t get a chance to speak to him about Renata, I think that I was able to communicate quite a bit with my eyes.
My two buddies were happy to be together again, and Ty had some god awful sounding audio book to listen to on the ride. Better him than me!
He did say that we should pick him up next weekend because we won’t want to miss the awards ceremony. Ugh. Awards ceremony? You wouldn’t want to bet on whether I would be willing to miss that, Ty!
Röbert took the other two kids with him to some dog show thing for Beefeater this afternoon, so I have been hanging out, looking at Pinterest pages and making plans for this week while Starling is also in camp (Her art day camp, I couldn’t stand to have her away for a whole week!) I looked out my back window to check on the progress at Karen’s pool (still disgusting) and guess who appears to have a new bestie? Apparently snakes like to lie around in the sun with other snakes. How convenient for me.
Where on earth did she even find a two piece? She is delusional if she thinks a tan will help!
I have to run and call Cari about this latest development.
I am having a bad day. I can’t put my finger on why I feel so sad today. I put Frozen on the tv this morning and threw a couple of boxes of Gogurt into the family room, and that is about as much parenting as I can stand.
I thought exercising would help, but I had to do it alone at home because I am stuck with two kids who are too old for child care at the gym. Somehow all of that made me feel even worse.
Despite being sad, I am smoking hot!
And do you know what I found out about Karen’s stupid party? It was an engagement party for Ty and Renata. I should have been invited. Ty is practically my best friend. It is so horrible of her to steal my best friend and not invite me to his party.
All of those ugly old people must be Renata’s awful family. Poor Ty!