Tag Archives: Claire

Saying Bye Bye

Yesterday Cari called and said I was hogging all of the fun with Kathy, so the three of us went out for a gal pal day.  We took Kathy to Sephora and let the girl with the stupid hair and the nose ring she believes makes her look edgy give her a makeover.  LOL!  You should have seen her with liquid eyeliner.

Then we went out for a lady’s lunch at the club.  Kathy ordered a salad with dressing on it.  Gross.  Have you ever seen anyone do that?  It looked so wet.

Anywho, once again she started boohooing about her marriage.  This time it was all about how she wanted children and Stefan didn’t and how he didn’t respect her career and just wanted her to be free to travel with him all of the time.  Well, that sounds awful.  No kids.  No job.  Travelling the world with your wealthy husband.  Poor Kathy!  Couldn’t you just cry for the hardships she has faced?

Cari is such a sketch.  She immediately started encouraging Kathy to have a child, maybe more than one.  Oh yes!  Children are such a joy, we told her. Maybe she should have several.  “You don’t need a man!”  Cari shouted.  I thought I was going to wet myself.  By the end of lunch we had found the number for social services and convinced her to try to adopt a sibling group.  “Get a bunch of them at once!  You will be doing such a generous thing.”  Cari is hilarious.  She even mentioned that one or two teenagers might be nice.  LOLOLOL!  They could babysit for the younger ones, right?

As much fun as it has been to have Kathy pour out her heart out to me, all good things must come to an end.  She said it was time to go home and find a new place to live.  I called a few rental agents for her and we even looked on Zillow for studio condominiums in depressing complexes near the third rate university where she teaches.  Maybe she can live with one of her students and afford a one bedroom.  LOL.  I think we found one with one of those one piece showers and textured brown carpeting.

Röbert and I took her out to dinner last night.  It was a really nice place, so of course she made her usual effort.  Unfortunately her eyeliner had become smeared when she cried at lunch, so she went out with no makeup, as per usual.

Nice vest, Kathy.  Is Kohls having another sale?

Nice vest, Kathy. Is Kohls having another sale?

She left this morning, but I am looking forward to long phone calls and texts from her.  Now that she has seen the light about Claire I expect we will be hearing from her a lot more.  I can’t wait.



Her New Bestie

By the time Kathy finally made it downstairs this morning I had missed Barre and Spin, but it didn’t matter.  I had planned a special day for her to pour her heart out to me.

I had suggested we could go shopping, but when she came downstairs in this number I decided to tske her back to the state park I had been to with Stefan. I couldn't be seen with her dressed like this!

I had suggested we could go shopping, but when she came downstairs in this number I decided to take her back to the state park I had been to with Stefan. I couldn’t be seen with her dressed like this!

While we were driving she told me that Stefan had offered her a very generous settlement, but she just felt it was wrong to profit off of him in that way.  Normally I would have been texting Krystyn for the name of her ruthless divorce lawyer at that point, but instead I just agreed with her.  “You don’t want anything of his!” I said, “Make a clean break.  You can get by just fine on your adjunct professor salary, right?”  She admitted that she might need to take on a part time job too, but I encouraged her to be independent.  LOL!  I was laughing so hard on the inside.

We sat under the tree where Stefan and I had kissed last week and talked about what a really bad person Claire is and how she had always seemed two-faced to me.  All at once, Kathy saw all of the signs.  LOL.  I encouraged her just to make a clean break with Claire too.  There is no sense in questioning her about something she will only deny.

When we got home Kathy told me that she had always misjudged me.  I reminded her that she had listened to Claire, who thought I had stolen Röbert away from her.  It was Claire who drove Röbert away with her wanting to get married and wanting to be grownup all of the time.  Claire is the one who is maybe canoodling with her husband now.  Claire is the bad person here.  LOL.  She told me I am a very good friend.

Kathy is right. I am a very good friend.  I am just not her friend.


Guess Who Came to Dinner?

Late this afternoon there was a knock at my front door and some muffled sobbing outside and you won’t even believe who showed up at my home!  Kathy!  She was looking for Röbert and she was crying buckets.

Apparently Stefan left her.  He told her he was in love with someone else, but wouldn’t tell her who.  He also said that the other person was not his reason for leaving her, that he didn’t love her anymore.  Wow!  That must have stung. LOL.

If you dress in lumpy sweaters you don't get to keep cute, rich husbands.

If you dress in lumpy sweaters you don’t get to keep cute, rich husbands.

She asked if she could stay overnight.  What could I say?  I was dying to hear the whole messy story.  I rushed her right up to the guest bedroom and brought her a cold glass of wine and ran her a bath.  I even brought out the nice guest towels and fluffy robe.  LOL.

Then I told her how I had always suspected that Stefan had a thing for her best friend, Claire.  LOL LOL LOL!  Had he been traveling abroad much lately, because I knew Claire had been working on some archaeological thing abroad?  Hahahaha!  Yes, it turns out that Stefan has been doing quite a bit of travel!  LOL a million times.

I left her and called up Le Petit Bistro for some food and gave the children a little mac and cheese and sent them up early.

When Röbert came home I was all solicitous care with Kathy and, of course, he was kind but wanted nothing more than to sit quietly and watch ESPN.  What man wants to listen to someone cry about their failed marriage?  I got her a tiny bit drunk and sent her up to bed.  I couldn’t wait to text Cari and have a good laugh!

A Reunion of Friends

Do you have people in your life who just exhaust you?  I am not talking about the ones who are a little bit annoying, or the ones who just don’t know better.  I am talking about people who are sure they are better than you and lord it over you every single minute, even though you know that they are not better than you at all?  Those people?  Let me tell you about my weekend.

Stefan, Röbby’s best friend since forever, was in town last week for a meeting with some investors.  I am not really clear about what he does for a living, but it is entrepreneurialish and he makes a lot of money. He had to stay in a downtown hotel during the week and then moved over to one of our guest rooms on Friday.  Of course his wife, Kathy had to make a big effing deal about how important she is at work (adjunct faculty at a community college) and couldn’t make it until Saturday morning.  Who cares?  She is a pill.

Stefan is completely delightful and we had so much fun Friday night with some burgers on the grill and a little trip down memory lane with Röbby.  I had Röb’s mother send over some funny photos of the boys growing up and we just laughed and laughed.  I also found some videos that they had made as teenagers.  They thought they were going to join the cast of Jackass apparently.  I left them downstairs with those and a case of IPAs and went upstairs and watched chick flicks.  I don’t think Röbby made it up before 3 AM, but they had such fun.

Also, did I mention? Kinda hot.

Also, did I mention? Kinda hot

It is amazing how damaging an unhappy woman can be to a happy get together…

Kathy showed up on Saturday morning in total “look at me” mode.  Oh look at the special and expensive hostess gift I bought you!  Aren’t I special, watching football with the men instead of hanging out with the other gal in the house?  Look how much I know about everything!

By dinner time I was DONE.  I had spent a lot of time picking up the side dishes from the catererers and it was not easy to get the Merlin to fold the napkins the way I wanted him to.  Hostessing, especially hostessing a someone like Kathy, is exhausting.  They were planning to  go and meet a couple of people from the PhD program she and Röb had been in together after dinner and I felt a lil’ my grain coming on.  Then I heard her outside (helping the guys cook the steaks, of course) asking Röbby if he had been in touch with Claire.

Rude bitch. Yes, that is what she wore to go out. "Look how much more casual I can be!"

Rude bitch. Yes, that is what she wore to go out. “Look how much more casual I can be!” You look like a moose, Kathy.

What the heck?!  Röbert is happily married with a beautiful home and a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter and two sons!  He even has a dog!  He is NOT thinking about his dreary old girlfriend.  I am sure Kathy talks to her all of the time and has to listen to her pining away for the “one who got away”, but that is not Röb’s problemo. Was Claire going to be in the group they were meeting later?  That I wanted to see.

Good bye my grain!  I ran upstairs and threw on some skinny jeans and a cute top I had in my closet and came down to join them.

You should have seen Röbert's and Stefan's faces when I came back down. You should also have seen Kathy's LOL. Game, set, match community college instructor!

You should have seen Röbert’s and Stefan’s faces when I came back down. You should also have seen Kathy’s LOL. Game, set, match, community college instructor!

The rest of the night was pretty dull until I got their fat friend Brad to do a few too many shots and twerk with Krystyn, who was at the bar with some of her friends.  Brad’s wife is also a real sourpuss, by the way.  Claire was not there after all (at some kind of dig thing in Spain or something) but I had forgotten how popular I was with the other guys in the PhD program.

I think Kathy was hoping Röbert would regret dropping out and taking a job in software sales to get married, but obviously he has a wonderful life.  I wonder why she is so bitter?