Sometimes I feel like now that I have all of this power I can wield at school, I no longer want it. It is a lot of work being the vice president of the PTO, and, although I am an expert delegator, I still have to attend boring meetings and find people to delegate to.
I had a meeting with Merlin’s teacher Ty this morning. He usually is so much fun to be with, but lately even he has been a little bit boring. I still consider him a close friend, but I wish he would pick himself up a bit and maybe start dating someone really nice. Starling’s teacher, Ms Cole has a darling roommate who she has lived with for years. I think she would make a lovely girlfriend for Ty!
I know some of the moms think he is good looking, but I have never seen it. He is just my old buddy , Ty. I am glad I don’t make a fool of myself over him like Jennifer Walker does! Ooof! So embarrassing.
I wonder if there is a way to resign my position? Maybe if Merlin had a athletic career ending injury everyone would understand.
Cari and I have some great new ideas for school fundraisers. In the next month we are going to have a thrift sale (gross), sell mums and asters and hopefully have a Morning Out at a local coffee shop.
We are also planning a triathlon for next spring, but we will wait until February to announce it. In the meantime I will train, just in case.
Running, swimming, biking…I don’t really care about winning, I just like to exercise.
It would just be so amazing if I beat all of the other women at an athletic event, but of course i really don’t care either way.
One of the things that Hummus likes best about his new school is the river that runs behind the playground. He always asks to play in it, but of course I never thought they would let him. This afternoon when I arrived a couple of minutes early for pick-up, they had all of the children who don’t belong to their church playing in the water. I wasn’t concerned because there were a lot of adults down there watching and supervising (and for some reason, praying) Hummus was wearing some clothes that belong to the school (he must have run through all of the changes of clothing I left with him…this potty training is hard!) and was watching while the teachers appeared to be teaching the “worldly” children to swim. The children of the church members were up on the playground, also praying.
I am not sure about who is who at this particular church, because I have heard that the Reverend Wattle is married to Hummus’s teacher, but then I have heard his name mentioned as the husband of several women. Maybe Miss Sherrilynn is just his daughter. Anywho, he was down there and taking each child and shouting “I cast you out, Satan! Satan, I cast you out!” and dunking the child in the water to learn to swim. I was delighted, because Hummus won’t ever let his face get wet, even in the tub, but Reverend Wattle just dunked him right under.
My lil’ fundie! He looked considerably less delighted after his swim lesson.
I wonder why they decided to teach them to swim on such a chilly day? I would have asked, but I had to get Hummus over to the babysitter before book club.
Beefeater just might the smartest boy in my house. He knew enough to run away from Karen (over and over again) and he took to agility courses like a teenaged girl to an eating disorder.
Merlin has several science fair projects he is working on, and one involves Beefeater. He told me he was going to teach Beefy to “speak”. I was pretty excited because, just imagine; I could send the dog out to observe our neighbors and report back. It turns out that he is just trying to get Beefeater to touch different computer things with his nose when he wants to go out or eat or something. Apparently it would be helpful for me to watch him do this all day long. I am busy! Hummus goes to school now and I have to meet with the PTO and book club and Pilates won’t be much without me there.
Merlin sure loves that dog.
Instead of me working with Beefeater all week, Merlin has been working with him on the weekends and after school. Merlin is also growing some kind of aquatic parasite in the basement. He had better win something good for all of the inconvenience this is causing me.
Starling’s school year has not been perfect so far. The peer group they set up for her is pure torture. She wanted the group to include some of her friends, like Amber and Alcott, but she is stuck with the likes of Fat Alice (who is skinny now, but still thinks like a fat girl), Julia and Sylvia. They meet one day a week at lunch in the counselor’s office. The counselor is a bit, I don’t know, enthusiastic? He has the kids call him “Ted”, which makes Starling very uncomfortable. The girls had to come up with things like a name for their group (Starling suggested “Bunch-o-losers” since she thought it would be funny and ironic but she said “Ted” told her that bummed him out). They are calling themselves “Best Buddies In the Universe”. I don’t blame her for hating it. They also made up secret handshakes and waves and they do them all of the time on the playground and in between classes and she just wants to die of embarrassment.
This afternoon is her first drama class after school. Let’s hope that goes better. Miss Cole is teaching it with her roommate, who she met while performing in musical theater in college. I let Starling wear a special dance costume to school, so she could feel confident for her first class.
She normally doesn’t get to have dance wear on at school, but I made an exception today.
My lil’ Hummus is already learning so many interesting things in preschool. Many of his classmates have two or three Mommies (in one case 12!) and just one Daddy, so it is a very diverse population. He is learning some interesting ideas about a coming apocalypse and just exactly who will be saved (no foreigners, buh-bye Renata!). He has some new hymns that we have never heard before and he is starting to object to Starling and I eating before all the boys have finished their meals. He is like a sponge picking up all of these new ideas and explaining them to me in his adorable grunts and hand signals. The problem we were having with him sleeping too much is also cured, because he is so terrified of the plague of locusts and the horsemen they talk about all day that he can’t sleep at all!
His teacher, Sherrilynn Wattle, has a book she wants me to read called “Why Wordly Things is Wrong”. Maybe I can suggest it for book club this month.
All of the other moms at the gym were so jealous when they heard that I had found an all-day preschool program for Hummus that they all want their little ones to enroll too. Unfortunately the families in the church tend to have many children, so there were just a couple of spots left. They now have a long waiting list and Hummus is suddenly in the most exclusive preschool in town!
I was so excited about the new mascot for Donald Rumsfeld Elementary School that I forgot to run it by anyone in the administration. Honestly, I didn’t even know that I had to! The drunken Donald Rumsfeld was so cute and I thought we could have one of the dads put on round wire glasses and a grey wig and play him at special events. Mrs. Swedburg loved my creativity, but thought the theme might be too adult for the younger grades. Fortunately, I only purchased a few of the t-shirts and I was going to order the rest once we knew how many we sold.
So it was back to the ol’ drawing board for Madam Vice President this morning. I still think a tiger is stupid mascot so I tweaked it just a tiny bit this time. I decided we should do a cute nod to all of the divorced moms at our school so I changed the mascot to a cougar. Cute, right? And cougars are almost like tigers.
Yesterday I was told to just go ahead and order 500 t-shirts in a variety of sizes and we will do a second order if we need it. I think everyone is going to love these!
These are such fun! I’ll bet we sell right out.