Laying Low

Christmas was a lil’ crazy Chez Smith.

Merlin was up at the crack of nine asking about gift opening, and “special breakfast”.  What the hell?  Who told him I would be cooking on Christmas morning? And he specifically asked for no gifts.

I told him to go entertain himself in his room for another hour or two, Mommy was up late looking up old “friends” on Insta.

We were up well before noon and the children were all hyper and overexcited.  It took Starling forever to open all of her presents and she was furious because her hoverboard was periwinkle and not turquoise.  Hummus loved his lil’ Saab and was crashing into everyone with it, but Röb said it was too dangerous for him to take it into the driveway alone.  I certainly wasn’t going outside with him!  Freaking Merlin named his doll Percy.  What is wrong with that kid?  It’s like he’s begging to be bullied.

I kept looking for a small necklacey box, but I didn’t see one.  Finally Röbert handed me a medium box, which could be good or bad.  It was not good.  He had bought me a sweater set.  I am sure it was expensive, it was cashmere.  It looked like something his mother would wear.  The worst part was the color; it was kind of a peachy beige.  I would look naked from any distance at all.  No.

Röbert was also acting ridiculous.  He kept crying over every damned thing the children said.  They say stupid things every day, Röb, pay attention.  All the boo-hooing makes you look soft.

I just had a bad feeling about everything.  My besty had deserted me, my husband had given me a hideous gift and was acting like it was his last day on earth, my children were behaving like jerky little assholes.  I really needed to make a move.

I went upstairs to “take a nap” and packed a suitcase and snuck out the back door.  I thoughtfully took Röbby’s BMW, because he will need the Honda Odyssey to haul the kids around, and I headed for the mountains.  I called Stefan on the way.  He is skiing with his family until January 3rd or 4th, but he gave me the security codes to his lake house, so here I am, relaxing with a glass of mulled wine.

The view is lovely and it is so quiet.

The view is lovely and it is so quiet.

There is no Christmas tree here, but my phone has been lighting up like one since yesterday.  First Röbert has been calling and texting and now Cari all of a sudden is interested in talking to me.  Nope.  Handle your own damned selves, folks.  Lah Lee is finally looking out for Lah Lee.

One weird thing; I went out back to take some photos of the views and I swear I could smell the marijuana again.  Could it be a symptom of a rare brain disease or something?

 

31 thoughts on “Laying Low

    1. mythreeangles Post author

      I am relaxing at Stefan’s beautiful lake home while Röbert gets to enjoy the children who he found so moving yesterday morning. I think everyone wins in this scenario. What is your confusion?

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  1. Nevaeh and Brecken's Mommy

    You do you girlfriend! There are way too many people sucking your life blood. You need to look after you. Have a fab time up there xo

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    1. mythreeangles Post author

      It is lovely here. So quiet and relaxing, with a full cable package. I’ve watched An Officer and a Gentleman three times today. I am sure Röbby is having a lovely time with his lovely children. He found them so enchanting yesterday, he must be in heaven to be alone with them. I am just sorry I didn’t get a chance to say bye bye to Cari. It is nice that her new man won’t have his children, because she really isn’t a stepmom type. Isn’t it nice when everything works out so perfectly?

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      1. mythreeangles Post author

        Cari has been my bestie for quite awhile and I know that she doesn’t date men with young children or men without money. Krystyn told me that Cari’s new beau was waiting until the day after Christmas so he could spend Christmas day with his kids and then leave them behind. She probably dropped Amber off with her ex last night so she and her guy could spend today cuddling together.

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  2. Julia Rainbow

    It is too bad you didn’t get everybody matching monogrammed plaid pajama sets to keep everybody happy. Nothing says joy and family harmony like that does. I know from experience. I would say enjoy your wine except I don’t condone drinking anything intoxicating except ayahuasca and rain juice.

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  3. LeeLah

    Lah, Darling. I am starting to worry about this marijuana that you have been smelling. Is it possible that an unstable minion of Stefan’s has fallen deeply and hopelessly in love with you? You know, some lonely gardener or caretaker.
    Perhaps he is unable to carry on and finds himself closely following you, watching your every move with only the marijuana to ease his psychic pain.
    Just a thought!

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  4. 12thFetus4Jesus

    I am so sorry you had such a difficult, painful Christmas. I would have fled too, if given a cashmere sweater in an odd shade. What does it say about the giver if the gift involves hours of driving to the mall, standing in the exchange line and then having to shop through the picked over post holiday merchandise? Good for you, Lah Lee!

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      1. iwassnowyfirst

        I think BP means it’s not very thoughtful to give you a gift that you’ll just have to spend a great deal of time returning, and if you can’t get a refund, the only stuff you’ll have to choose from has been all picked over because of Christmas. Really, making you work like that!

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  5. Big Fan

    So is Stefan meeting you at his Lake house? It looks so beautiful there! I’m so jelus!
    It is great that Rowbert can spend time with his kiddies, I’m sure he will appreciate it. He obviously leaves his kids soo much and could never leave them. As for Cari, a bestie who is too busy for you is no loss! Hope she is happy with her new man!

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  6. Mrs. Rothschild

    LL, I’m an internet lawyer who makes a seven-figure income, looks unbelievably youthful, and runs marathons once a week, so I’m going to ask a few questions and give you unsolicited advice.

    How long do you plan to stay at the cabin? Do you live in a fault-based divorce state? If you stay away for a while, what you’ve done is legal abandonment/desertion and gives Rob grounds for divorce. He can get full custody and you’ll get no spousal support. So be careful about how long you stay gone.

    It doesn’t really matter, though, since Stephan is loaded. That is, if you are absolutely sure he will sweep you away. If Rob gets full custody, however, I bet you’ll miss Starling a little bit.

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  7. Brett'sWifey

    So weird, but we made our millions farming “hemp” too! Congrats to Stefan for taking advantage of the emerging market and using a vacation property as a grow operation. What a tax write-off!

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