I have been wanting to share all the wonderful things I have bought for my family this Christmas, but I didn’t want to share it in time for that idiot Margie to just copy it, like she copies everything I do. I decided to wait until now, when everything good has sold out, so that everyone can be envious of the thoughtfully curated choices I have made for my lucky, lucky family.
In the past I have bought all of my gifts for Röbert and the boys on Black Friday, based on what was on sale at Best Buys and Toys R Us. This year I realized what a terribly middle class thing Black Friday is when I read a few articles, and I decided to be more mindful in my purchases for the boys. It is very in trend to be mindful of one’s purchases.
I do want to remind everyone that Merlin wrote a letter to Santa in which he asked for nothing except for Santa to make Ty happy. No can do. I tried to contact Ty and was stopped by his nutty family. Maybe Santa can send him a new girlfriend, a nice American one this time, but otherwise, the guy has to CHOOSE to be happy.
For Röb I was very mindful of everything except budget. But what is money anyway? It is a borgeouis concept. I know he loves to be active so I bought him some human underwater jetpacks.
Hummus’s school sent out an approved gift list and reminded us that Christmas is the celebration of a very holy event, blah, blah, blah. The Fourth of July is a celebration of a boring political meeting in Philadelphia, but that doesn’t make it wrong to eat that cake with the Cool Whip and blueberries on it, right? So I got the requisite Noah’s Ark for Hummus to make Miss Sherrilyn happy.
I also got him a very classy looking ride-upon Saab, one of my favorite car brands, because it looks expensive.
Hummus likes cars, but I hate those tacky cheap Hot Wheels. This year he is getting Scandanavian design cars.
Like I said, Merlin wants Ty to be happy and THAT IS ALL. I am a generous mother though, so I bought him a toy. It is a doll that he can use to play with Starling and her dolls. Maybe he can pretend to be an admirer and all of Starlings dolls can reject his doll and then laugh at his doll behind his doll’s back.
Starling always asks for the same thing, a Samantha doll from American Girl, because Samantha is the classiest.
Samantha also always needs new accessories so I bought a couple of things.
I also bought her the “doll of the year”, Grace, because she is exclusive and collectible. Also she is French which will hopefully inspire Starling in her goals of being a model and being skinny.
She also wanted a karaoke machine so she can have karaoke parties.
I also bought her a little electric car to tool around the neighbohood in. This one is equipped with a sound system. I hope the neighbors like Taylor Swift.
I filled in with some lil’ stocking stuffers like an Apple Watch and Iphone six and a drone and one of those Hoverboard thingys.
It should be a wonderful Christmas, especially if Röbert got me this:
and not this:
I am a very thoughtful person.